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Saturday, September 27, 2014

Don't tell me what to do with my zygomaticus major

Listening to - i - Kendrick Lamar

Today I took on the island again. I'm not sure that it was the same island as this time as we seem to have gotten lost in new and exciting ways (Let's just chalk it up to looking for Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, yeah, they're within 37 square miles of me.. how cool am I?)

Before I tell you all about the wonder that is being lost on St. Maarten for the second time I'll explain my title because there was some confusion over my "Some Say Marry Money But My Brother Says Big Brains Matter More" title. I'll explain both! The big brains: is actually big boobs but I'm running a family friendly establishment here and big brains matter more- brains will get you a lot further.. I hope. ANYWHO... that's a pneumonic for the cranial nerves' functions: sensory, motor, or both. Now you know more about your cranial nerves, you're welcome. The pneumonic for the nerves' names is filthy and I will not share but the clean one is: Oh, oh, oh to touch and feel very good velvet, ah, heaven. My favorite pneumonic is The Zebra Bit My Cookie. Because how much would that suck? You're all stoked to be seeing a zebra AND eating a cookie, all in all seems like a pretty great day and then- wham, the zebra bites your cookie. Doesn't even take the whole thing but leaves you with the crushing dilemma between throwing your cookie out because.. zebra spit.. or eating it because.. cookie. I do not envy you my friend. I'm rambling... I don't know if it's obvious but I have a lot of work to do tonight and I promised myself I would begin the second I finished my post. Buckle up boys and girls, I just drank a red bull! A caffeinated procrastinator! So, to explain today's title: the zygomaticus major is the fascial muscle (innervated by the My in zebra bit my cookie) responsible for smiling and everyone on this island seems to think I should smile more. By everyone I mean might-be-homeless-I'm-not-PC men on motorcycles. It happened not once, not twice, but thrice today. My favorite is when they see either Marisa or I first, hit on that one, and then repeat the same line to the second person. This was a thing in Chicago but they were much less forward and I was never in the middle of pulling my riding up shorts down. It's never not an awkward time to un-wedge your shorts but why ya gotta make it worse strange man?

So! The day! The island! The confusion! First of all, this island is filled with signs indicating a way to Marigot, the french town, that are nothing more than empty promises. I know because we followed them for an hour and did not end up in Marigot. We did however find the cruise port and pretend to be tourists. Yeah, we paid way too much to eat at the Hard Rock cafe, we're pretty suave. It isn't hard for me to look like a tourist because despite spending 10 minutes outside every day I am still pale. It baffles me, too.

I left to go study and lost my train of thought. I'm sorry, I'm disappointed in me too.

Backtracking- the day started late because of two reasons 1) I didn't want to get out of bed and 2) I spent 45 minutes hunting a mosquito. Don't worry, I was victorious. The little guy was slow from drinking half of my blood so I pulled some serious karate kid and killed him in between my hands. I left him in the sink as a warning to the others.

After the epic battle of '14 I set off to meet Marisa and then we got our car. It was little and white as all cars on this island seem to be but bless the AC gods it had freezing cold air conditioning. We started off to our extensive list of destinations in no order because we mostly just get really lucky and stumble across them. The first one we hit was the mailbox where we spent over $100 between the two of us to pick up 4 packages. Serious side eye there. BUT! I now have 50 cup 'o noodles so I'm basically unstoppable. I don't want to make that monetary correlation so I won't. In other news, don't send me things, I can't afford it. Then we hit up cost u less, which was mentioned in a previous post and is still one of my favorite places because you can buy a 7 pound box of cheeze-itz for like, $6. Now who's saving money? As per usual I bought all foods that an 8 year old would be thrilled to come home to but I also bought 100% Arabic coffee so I am the most sophisticated 2nd grader on the block.

After shopping we decided we were hungry and had to eat promptly. Being the adventurettes that we are we decided to go eat at a french bakery on the french side but were completely misguided (see the above mentioned lies, empty promises, and broken hearts). Have no fear, in no less than 80 minutes we managed to wind our way through several questionable neighborhoods, up 1 or 2 mountains, through what can only be described as an alley with nock off stores aka back street (how apropos), and to our ultimate goal- the cruise ship terminal. It took us another 20-30 minutes to find parking and finally we were off - to the hard rock, AMERICA! After a lunch of nachos and untouched entrees (priorities) we headed down to the beach. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I FINALLY WENT TO THE BEACH! For a total of 7 minutes. But I put my feet in the water and it only took me a month. The drive home was a sleepy blur but ended with us at a mall like place with very few stores but frozen yogurt and, as it is my life goal to live within one block of a frozen yogurt establishment, I was pleased.

That's all! Studying now. Learning about stuff. I literally cannot drag this out any longer. Ah well. Wish my brain luck, it's got a lot of stuff coming at it.

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